i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
