i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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