I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
