I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
