I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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