Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
