I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
