yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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