i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It's just like the Real World with babies
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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