We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
