fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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