end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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