my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
How external is "for external use only"?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
