I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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