HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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