wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
