The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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