He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You made out with two different species that night
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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