if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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