Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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