so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
