I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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