Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
