nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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