Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
