I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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