the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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