at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
