In America we eat man semen.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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