There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
