apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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