I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
