She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
