I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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