Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
