the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
