You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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