I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
