Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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