He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
