Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
