Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
