I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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