He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
