i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
