i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
