He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
