your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
