I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
