my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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