I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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