remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
